Book Review: Side Affects - On Being Trans and Feeling Bad

Image: The cover of the book is a white background with black letters at the center. The top, in smaller letters says "side affects," under that, "on being trans and feeling bad," in larger black letters, and under that in smaller letters again, "Hil Matino," below that in even smaller letters, "author of trans care." Circling the edges of the book in large, light blue letters are the words "side affects" repeated approximately 4 times in a clockwise fashion.

 I always have a difficult time knowing how I should review texts written in such a heavily academic fashion as Hil Matino's Side Affects: On Being Trans and Feeling Bad. If I'm reading a biology article, it makes sense to me when I struggle to understand parts of it as I am not a biologist. When the topic regards trans feelings and experiences though, I ask myself if most trans people would be able to read it or if they would want to. A book like this takes twice as long to read and requires a dictionary for me even though I have a somewhat academic background and experience with this subject matter in my own life. Despite my thinking that a ton of trans people from varying backgrounds could benefit from relating to this and a ton of cis people could benefit from better understanding these complexities of human experience, I don't think most will choose or be able to. I decided that I would put this statement at the beginning and review the rest of the book as the scholarly work that it is.

Despite this book being so heavy with gender studies jargon, I found Malatino's writing style to be quite poetic and enjoyable to read. He has a way with blending personal experience as a transmasculine person into a larger narrative of what other transmasc folks may face as well as trans people from many other backgrounds and identities. (Keep in mind, not all AFAB trans people, including trans men, identify as transmasculine, I am using the term specifically here.) During the first half of the book, I was completely immersed in how Malatino conveyed exactly what I have felt and thought so many times throughout my own life and transition. He included things I and trans friends have said in personal conversations that I sometimes fear saying in the larger world. 

The general thesis is that- like all humans- our experiences are very complex and varied. Furthermore, we often feel bad about parts of our transition from dysphoria, desire, envy, disappointment, loneliness, discomfort, betrayal, isolation, and a multitude of other un-fun feelings to deal with. However, in a society full of paradigms and people that would rather we not exist, or worse, we often feel the need to be publicly glued to some simplistic narrative where everything is very clear cut, we have a very clear "before" and "after," and where we are just like cis people only trans. We fear that if we are honest about things, those who seek to invalidate, destroy, or criticize our humanity will gain ground. We fear that we will lose community, lose our history or future, and lose ourselves if we are not in line with the overarching message of x transgender movement or even our trans friends and communities. In this book, Malatino focuses specifically on the feelings fatigue, numbness, envy, rage, and burnout.

I can see why Torrey Peters has a quote listed on the publisher's page for this book. I adored, "Detransition Baby," as did friends of mine. Many other people, trans and not, hated it. It's a messy book full of messy trans feelings and experiences- especially the kinds we're never supposed to say out loud- often because we disagree with ourselves or hate to admit we think or feel a certain way. I like these texts because they allow us all to be truly human. That's the toughest stuff to deal with when we talk about liberation. We're all fucked up. Malatino uses both fiction and non-fiction written by trans people to form his analyses about these emotions and experiences. This blend of sources fits with the book well as both fiction and nonfiction have excellent and differing ways of telling the truth.

I doubt you will find the same cries of oppression that Peters' polarizing novel sometimes invoked in response to Side Affects because academic analysis remains more detached from emotion for many people. But, that doesn't mean he didn't hit on very deep seated thoughts and feelings that many of us grapple with every day. We cannot be forced into the boxes that both cis and trans people try to fit us all into. Hell, most cis people can't fit into the boxes they create. 

There were some very interesting glimpses into history that I had never heard about. Learning about Rupert Raj and Dallas Denny in the sections on burnout were interesting editions to an already critically important topic. The section "On Whiteness and Healing," there are multiple explorations of appropriation, racism, eugenics, colonization, etc. But, what really stuck out to me was learning about how people I would normally associate with hippy, love everybody culture could often be ridiculously fascist in their desire to abolish queerness or gender variance through things like psychedelic drug treatments. What a wild ride.

All in all, this short little academic exercise hit me in much more intimate ways than I initially anticipated. It packs a lot into around 100 pages not including notes and acknowledgements. Malatino used that space efficiently. If you're willing to take your time and google those academic words you've never heard of, I definitely think this book is worth it. It's a great thought exercise even in the spots where I don't entirely agree. I am eager to see what other people think once it's out and reaches a larger audience.

This was also posted to my goodreads.

Book Review: Becoming Abolitionists

 

Image: The cover of the book is a black background. At the center is a realistic illustration of a police car. There are stylized flames bursting from the car which turn into vines and multi colored bunches of flowers. Across the top in large white letters is "becoming abolitionists." Below that in smaller yellow letters is, "Police protests, and the pursuit of freedom." Across the bottom in red letters is the author's name, "Derecka Purnell."

 

Becoming Abolitionists is likely the best modern book on prison abolition, as well as dismantling oppression at large, that I have read. I say "best modern book" because it is true that Purnell goes over ground that those who have come before her have as well. The big difference in this book for me is its inclusivity and centering of LGBTQ and Disabled people in these discussions and the poetic descriptions and analogies Purnell uses to examine these issues. It made the book feel fresh, as if I was hearing all of it for the first time.

As is expected, Purnell discusses the myriad of issues with the prison industrial complex as well as how poverty and oppression can mix together and cause our communities to become separated, lack trust, and to look to hierarchy- and agents of hierarchy such as police and prisons- for solutions. The detrimental effects of these things disproportionately affect Black, Brown, Indigenous, Disabled, poor, and LGBTQ populations- especially those who have multiple of these frequently overlapping experiences and identities. Purnell draws upon her experience as both a lawyer and an organizer and offers an extensive amount of suggestions. She addresses all of the big questions about what to do with those who commit violence on others and so forth. She gets down to many root causes of problems and always remains humble about whether or not things will work in all situations or whether or not she has all of the answers. She shares a lot about her own journey in resisting, coming to understand, and eventually believing in and fighting for abolition which helps put the reader at ease with their own challenging thoughts or feelings that may come up while reading the book.

Where this book surprised me was in its sections on LGBTQ folks and disabled folks. These sections are far more thorough than other books I have read about abolition that were not specifically focused on disabled or lgbtq people. There was impressive amount of detail in the section on disability as there should be in these discussions. Purnell also does not draw clear lines in the sand between demographics of people despite these focuses. She instead discusses how all of these overlapping communities can come together in solidarity rather than turning on one another or forcing people to separate out sections of themselves at odds with various communities as those with the most power prefer us to. 

Pittsburgh (my city) also makes an appearance when she interviewed local organizers and studied efforts in the area. She got the history spot on. It's bittersweet to see my city featured because I am both very glad the awareness has been raised and the amazing radical movements here are being noticed. But, there is a reason this city is noticed and it's because of the horrors these organizers are often responding to.

I did have a gripe here or there about how she assessed an institution or particular chunk of data, but that happens in pretty much any book I read. I do think she could have gone easier on social workers and foster parents. The system is flawed and oppressive, but it sort of read like she believes social workers get into it or primarily do their jobs to strengthen the system or for the money which is odd to say about a highly stressful, underpaid job that requires going into a good bit of student debt to qualify for. The discussions about whether or not children should be removed from households made me bristle. Particularly because I did not find the solutions offered for one example she gave to be adequate and also because I have seen severely abused kids be kept with parents who could not have cared less about them, or worse things I won't detail. However, the larger systemic changes offered would likely solve or greatly reduce the issues, so her real life example given still fits into the journey. She also acknowledges that even some abolitionist readers would believe the children should be removed and that she does not have a perfect answer for that. That's, again, a strength of the book. She offers a massive amount of workable, applicable solutions that could be implemented right now. She also acknowledges that these may work, not work, or look different in different communities.

Overall, I really loved this book, how it was written, and the information therein. It can be hard to "enjoy" a book that contains so much suffering. The fact that it features often hidden parts of the story as well as tangible lights at the end of the tunnels is what makes it all worthwhile.

This was also posted to my goodreads.

Book Review: The Weight of the Stars

 

Image: The cover of the book is a wood/linocut style image of the backs of two people, sitting on a rocky landscape, staring out into the night sky. The bottom part is in black and white and the sky is an hombre gradient of dirty yellow, brown and black. There are also spots of the yellow on the lower black and white landscape. White spots dot the sky as stars and there is a very large crescent moon low on the horizon. The center of the sky in white letters says, "The Weight of the Stars." Below that in smaller letters is, "The Life of Anarchist Octavio Alberola." At the bottom of the cover is "Agustín Comotto," and below that in smaller letters, "Translated by Paul Sharkey."

It can be difficult to review a biography without reviewing the subject himself. I am not sure what is the best course of action in that regard, but this review will be a mixture of the two. The Weight of the Stars is a biography written in a style that I have not previously encountered, though I am sure has been done before. The author, Agustín Comotto met anarchist Octavio Alberola while Comotto was writing a piece about Simon Radowitzky. He inquired if Octavio would be publishing a biography some day as he had lived a very long and eventful life. Originally Octavio declined but later consulted Agustín about helping him put one together. This partnership resulted in a biography that reads much like an extended interview with the subject where the answers take the form of long story telling sections. Occasionally, Agustín would challenge or debate a point or belief of Octavio, but for the most part, compiled and included the story in much of Octavio's own words.

I will admit that part of my interest in this was learning more about a history that is important to understand- international anarchist resistance during and surrounding the fascist dictatorship of Francisco Franco (1938-1975.) I knew little about it before this aside from teachings from friends, podcasts, or online articles. I do think I would have absorbed this book better if I already had a foundation of historical knowledge. The book after all is a translated work that likely was not created purely for an ignorant USAmerican audience like myself. It is also already 348 pages and to properly detail everything one could ever want to know would make the book too heavy to carry. All this is to say that there was a lot going on in this man's life with a vast number of groups, characters, and large and small historical events all blending together in the story. Comotto did offer short snippets of the overall setting at the start of each chapter. But, I did feel overwhelmed and lost at times. This is not a critique of the book's quality as much as it is a description of how one could get the most out of it. If you don't already know about the horrors of the Franco regime and other related events, you may want to brush up on them before reading this in order to get a better picture.

Alberola's dedication to anarchism and the toppling of fascist regimes was immense. He was no doubt shaped by growing up in a militant anarchist household with a well known father- Jose Alberola- who was brutally murdered later in life. It is suspected that his father was murdered by fascists taking revenge for Octavio's actions despite Jose refusing to kill during his activism. I can only imagine what kind of mind-fuck that was for Octavio and how that affected his dedication to the cause. He doesn't speak of it much in the book, we learn this from Comotto. 

Big names pop up throughout this biography in interactions with Octavio- Castro, Che, Durruti, etc- and Alberola has different nuanced opinions on each of them. He spent much of his life bouncing around internationally, avoiding authorities, and consistently participating in a wide variety of direct actions ranging from gentle to violent. Reading a book where someone speaks so openly about militant actions like this, knowing it would be published in his lifetime, is an interesting thing. Overall, Alberola avoided violence when possible, but thought that the assassination of Franco was a necessary measure. They failed in achieving this particular goal but succeeded and grew with many other actions. 

Something that stuck out to me constantly was that this book is about men. This is unfortunate but not entirely unexpected with any book about radical men in these movements. The women in this story are girlfriends, lovers, mothers, children, and overall described as side notes or burdens. I was really disappointed, but again, not surprised that there didn't seem to be any effort on behalf of the men featured throughout the decades of this story to include women in these organizing efforts. Perhaps in a less patriarchal scenario, there would have been ways to balance the tasks of life where women did not feel as if all they could do was leave with their children. Octavio fathered many children with multiple women without all of them even knowing about it. Octavio was of course, off with the revolution that he was dedicated to and could not be bothered with children, so what were these mothers to do? Even when they wanted abortions, the illegality, inaccessibility, and dangers made them near impossible to get. He expresses no regret or remorse and also regularly criticizes anyone who left his style of militant organizing to be with their families or do more academic types of work. He does admit though that certain circumstances allowed him to take more action than others.

I know that if the story was about the life of Irene or Gloria, it would not have been so readily accepted by everyone that they leave their children behind for the revolution, expecting the fathers to raise them. I wonder what the function of women would look like in a truly anarchist society to Alberola and his kin. I get it, though. I get what it is like to be so dedicated to destroying something so vile and destructive that one develops tunnel vision and the inability to do anything else. I have certainly been there. Nonetheless, I cannot help but imagine the way the movement could have expanded if the other half of the population were more involved. I know that they were there and that Alberola's history is only one of many. I kept waiting for Octavio to come around and see this, but he does not. He reunites with many children later in life and has some relationships with them. He has interesting views on things with his current partner (for lack of a better term) where they did not want to formalize anything to avoid playing into the system of ownership of each other created by laws around marriage. We still never know much about Irene, Gloria, and Ariane by the end. I wish the author would have asked more about them, but I understand why he did not. The book is technically about Octavio and we get a good sense of how Octavio saw women playing parts in his life and the struggle.

The last sections of the book are more of a Q & A style in which Comotto asks Alberola about his views on various things and how they have evolved over time. We learn here that despite being in his 90s, Octavio still participates as much as possible in the evolving social and technological tools of time. He has continued educating himself and growing in order to adapt and thrive. Despite my critiques about how he and the men of these generations treated women, Alberola led a truly courageous existence and dedicated himself to what he believed in without compromise.

The book is finished off by an illustrated comic of a short conversation between Alberola and Comotto that was a lovely closing. This is something I really enjoy about many print books from AK Press- there is great care taken to create and design an immersive experience that goes along with the text. The translation of this book by Paul Sharkey also seems to be quite good. My Spanish is awful and I have not read the original, but it is one of those texts that flows well enough that the reader forgets it was translated from another language. This book was an immersive glimpse into the life of a man organizing as part of an inspiring revolutionary history. It left me curious about it all and motivated to read more about this tumultuous and inspiring time.

This was also posted to my goodreads.

Book Review: Dangerous Visions and New Worlds

 

Image: The cover of the book is a purple background with a mosaic of vintage scifi book covers on top. Andra, damnation alley, The stepford wives, four dimensional nightmare, the word for world is forest are across the top. Below that is purple paint cutting across with the book's title in black stenciled letters. Below that in white letters is, Radical science fiction, 1950-1985. Below that in smaller white letters is "edited by andrew nette and iain mcintyre." Below is the rest of the mosaic showing the covers of afro-6, mind of my mind, que, motherlines, false dawn, the unicorn girl, ice, alien, and shockwave rider.

I discovered the existence of Dangerous Visions and New Worlds when a friend of mine forwarded me an email for the related "all star radical science fiction symposium" of the same name. I have loved the multitude of ways that countless science fiction authors have used their craft to raise awareness, create understanding, envision newer better (or worse) worlds, or to just shake up the status quo. I am less familiar with older science fiction of the era highlighted in this book than I would like to be, so this seemed like a great place to find ways to include more of it.

Part of my reasoning for being less familiar is that I often associated older popular scifi with random (white straight) dudes fighting mythical monsters and rescuing damsels in distress which to me was too much like a lot of older (and current) fantasy as well. This is referred to by authors in the book as the "golden age/old guard" of science fiction. While there were definitely authors creating works outside of those tropes, they were not as common, popular, or given much attention due to heavy censorship from conservative pulp magazines among other things. Following this was the "new wave" which is the focus of this book. The new wave was full of talented authors seeking to honor or motivate people to participate in or support leftist political movements along with the entertainment that comes from enjoying their stories. I was hoping to discover some new names and titles from this book and it definitely delivered (which you can likely see in my goodreads feed full of recent to-read list editions.)

It is a strange task to review literary criticism and analysis when the texts are discussing books and stories that I have not read. I was born in '82 and grew up with SF reading parents- especially my dad- and books throughout the house, but didn't get into SF heavily myself much until college. I would say I have read about 5% of the stuff included in this book, if that. Some entries managed discussion without spoilers while others had to include the whole story in order for their analysis to make the most sense. I found it interesting that another reviewer disliked some of the entries that I liked most- though I see his point that focusing on obscure texts with little influence on wider society may not have been what some readers were looking for. This fits into the whole hit or miss world of anthologies where one person's hit is another's miss. That can be a weakness or strength, but I think it works for this book. 

One of the lovely things about this book that really sets it apart from many academic and adjacent anthologies is its inclusion of vintage book covers of the books and stories discussed. It was a great choice to add this visual element and draw the reader into the time period. Some entries are more academic in style than others, so fantastical illustrations breaking that up was nice. It also reminded me of when I was a child artist and one of the jobs I wanted was to draw book covers or comic book cards because, at the time, that and museum art were the only jobs I thought the fine arts provided.

My favorite entries in the book were (without subtitles for brevity:) Flying Saucers and Black Power, 'We Change and the Whole World Changes,' Speculative Fuckbooks, Eco-Death, Stepford Wives and Supercomputers, The Stars my Destination, A New Wave in the East, Performative Gender and SF, The Moons of Leguin and Heinlein, and Black Star. There's a tie for first place between Performative Gender and SF: The Strange but True Case of Alice Sheldon and James Tiptree Jr and The Moons of Leguin and Heinlein which have both kept me thinking since I put the book down days ago. I actually did my high school senior reading project on Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land because it was the only SF book on the school's list that I hadn't heard of an my mom told me it had weird sexuality in it. My only other exposure to him was the Starship Troopers movie that I saw as a parody of militaristic authoritarianism. I actually didn't know how conservative he was until a class in college.

There were a couple things I was disappointed with. One is that Harlan Ellison is spoken about with great praise and no criticism by many authors. I admit, there were a few sections I skipped over either due to lack of interest or because there was a novel I didn't want spoiled, but for the majority that I read, this was the case. Ellison's legacy includes great creativity and strides in SF, but also misconduct and abuse. The other thing that bothered me was a section on animals. I was excited by the premise then disappointed by the length and content. I'm left wondering why it was even included. The worst part is that the author discusses animals as "space explorers" creating the same narrative of those who abused them that makes them seem like willing participants. There are a lot of heinous things about animal exploitation that haunt me, but one of the ones that does the most is the idea of someone being sent into infinite terrifying blackness through massive horrifying explosions, left alone to die surrounded by nothing but space. We should never discuss these abuses of dogs, rats, chimps, guinea pigs, and even fishes in ways that make them seem like a Disney fairytales or heroic space faring legends- especially not in a book about the liberatory nature of science fiction.

This book (and the rad online symposium) did a good job of combining interests in artistic entertainment, analysis, and social justice. I was introduced to some great history and now I have a whole new intimidating reading list that I will never complete in my lifetime. But, it's still fun to try.

This was also posted to my goodreads.