Image: The cover of the book is a surrealistic painting of a two story greenish beige house on the backdrop of a dark, cloudy sky. The front of the house faces the reader with a chimney on the right side of the roof, a porch and balcony with white fence-like barriers, long brown reeds growning from the front yard, and the black silhouette of a person standing in front of the front door in the center of the bottom floor. On the upper floor, there is a large section cut out with fabric-like layers of drab red, blue and green that lead to the center of the hole where there is a face of a woman. She has light brown skin and black hair and stares directly into the camera. Across the top, slanted diagonally in large capital white letters is the title, with "a memori" next to "the" in small written script. Across the bottom of the cover, in front of the reeds, is the author's name in white capital letters.
Carmen Maria Machado's memoir In the Dream House stands out for a great variety of reasons. The book has been heralded as an important foray into the life of someone in a queer abusive relationship, which it is. Machado captures very well the horrifying nature of psychological and emotional abuse. There are physical and other aspects to it, but she focuses predominantly on the former. One of the reasons this is so important is that most abusive relationships center around this psychological and emotional aspect. We often think of abusive relationships as a man physically and/or sexually abusing a girlfriend or wife. Yet, most abuse victims even of this caliber speak of how their abuser controlled their mind and how this is/was one of the most painful parts of their ordeal. Machado draws the reader into her experiences, allowing us to witness the feelings that range from the constant unease of walking on eggshells to the absolute fear that one may have to die to escape the ordeal.
Stylistically, Machado's work continues to stand out among all memoirs I have read. Her story is told through a series of short, poetic vignettes, each giving a small but intense look into a short period of her life. These little pieces all make the reader feel like they are right there, experiencing the whole horrid thing with her. Those of us who have ever been in a queer abusive relationship will likely relate. The way your stomach drops out when it first turns bad has a unique twist to it which Machado captures well. Aren't we supposed to be safe here? Unfortunately, LGBTQ people are human. Full of human flaws and human virtues, capable of doing great harm and of being harmed. By pretending that we all are inhuman beings, we not only are harder on ourselves and each other, but we also tend to ignore when a predator or toxic conflict is in our midst. Many of us have seen our communities turn the other cheek while being silently torn apart by serial abusers, even while fighting against the more common ones.
Through this memoir, Machado really captures the internal process of someone going through this. There is a great isolation in being abused. Not only does the abuser often control or forbid the person from being in touch with others, but the gas lighting and aggression causes the victim/survivor to retreat into themself. There are so many feelings that go into exposing what is happening- big among them being fear and shame. The shame is especially strong in feminist and queer communities as we tend to believe we should have been able to see this coming and get out of it. The truth is, when it comes to abuse, we're just as vulnerable- if not more vulnerable- than other communities. Machado also includes research of hers and reading recommendations on the topics of abuse in LGBTQ communities. These discussions have been existing for a long time, but still remain hidden.
There is a lot more I could say and analyze about this book, but I am going to stop here and encourage the reader to go out and read it. It is very difficult to put down, but please take care while reading, especially if you have any personal history with these subjects. Take breaks and take care of yourself. This book is very worth reading, even if one may find parts triggering. It is far more than a catalogue of occurrences. It is a work of art.
This was also posted to my goodreads.
No comments:
Post a Comment