Pageboy is a difficult book to rate like many memoirs. Like other reviewers, I struggled with the structure of this book, jumping around in time. This structure can work when done well, but here, things blur together in confusing ways. I think that there is also a specific kind of fragility to texts written shortly after someone comes out as trans and begins to be their whole self out in a world. It changes everything and nothing all at the same time. I have read more than one trans memoir written by someone who just came out and all of them give me a similar thought: please write another one in 10 years. This is not to say that there is no value in memoirs written early in social/medical transition. What I am saying is that all of us who are trans know that the beginning of taking steps to be our authentic selves is a rough time and one full of things we didn't quite understand yet. I've heard people say that we all deserve the right to be a bit cringe when we first come out. Elliot did not make me cringe, but did make me want to know what he will think as he grows.
This book has a lot of trauma in it. A lot. I wondered frequently what it must have been like to write something like this. Was it cathartic? Or was it retraumatization? Or both? (Also, I think the people who made "An American Crime" should not be able to make films anymore. I had not seen it and I will not see it, especially after reading what being in this film did to Elliot.) There is so much in Elliot Page's life that I relate to despite the massive class and fame differences between us. I actually think my life would have been worse rich and famous, so that's not a dig. The attention alone would kill me. I can see as I peek through the reeds that there are realizations happening in this writing, but I don't think they were fully formed or conveyed. It's another thing I see in early memoir- the final pouring out of so many things that are inside can be so overwhelming that there is no room for much more than that.
One thing that I think is a tad irresponsible in this book is the lack of analysis around how he discussed his eating disorder. Part of anorexia can involve comparison and competition due to the perfectionist nature of sufferers. There were times in this where it seemed like Elliot was (unintentionally) giving tips or accomplishments regarding food restriction. I get it. It is very tough to talk about eating disorders without talking specifics, but it can be done in different ways. We don't hear much of the often hidden aspects of restrictive EDs, furthering the notion that anorexia is just not eating and being thin rather than a slew of sometimes deadly and very much not glamorous health problems.
I think this book is well written. I was not sure if a ghost writer was involved since he discussed how much he was writing, but either way, aside from the non-linear time structure, it flowed well. I saw myself in so many of Elliot's thoughts and feelings. I wish some were more fleshed out. As another reviewer said, many people disliked being shoved into gendered clothing and trans memoirs will often discuss what is behind that and why it is specifically complicated for us. However, this is a brave and daring book. Sharing all of these things raises many questions about fame, child actors, predators, and so on. I also liked how Elliot discussed all of the people that helped him find himself along the way. That is something I do not always see represented with early trans memoirs- Elliot really understands the politics of things and I can tell he cares about things and probably uses some of the privileges he has to lend aid.
Overall, I enjoyed it as much as one can enjoy reading a tough life story and I do truly hope he writes another memoir later in life.
This was also posted to my goodreads.
No comments:
Post a Comment