Book Review: How We Fight for Our Lives

Image: The cover of the book is a background of what looks to me like mixed red and gold paint, unevenly swirled around in an oval. On top of that, in a black hand painted uppercase font is the title of the book which covers most of the cover. Below that, in the same but smaller font is "a memoir, Saeed Jones."

I have mentioned before that I don't really consider myself a memoir person, though that seems to be changing as more voices are published. Memoirs tend to have to meet a higher bar in order for me to truly enjoy them. Saeed Jones' short memoir, "How We Fight for Our Lives," definitely met that bar. Jones has a very accessible way of writing about things while also managing to capture the complexities of existing within multiple dimensions of oppression and liberation as a gender nonconforming gay Black man. Jones' skills as a poet also are reflected in his writing adding to it being entertaining and gripping the whole way through. I could have read hundreds more pages and didn't want the book to end.

What strikes me most about this memoir is its honesty. Jones gives us a transformation story rather than a revamped history that some memoir writers put out. One of the most obvious coming of age transformations in the book is how Jones overcomes the shame pounded into him by society for being a Black gay man. He captures what it is like to hold that shame, to give into it, and eventually to fight it and turn it into pride. He captures the complicated discomforts of being young and naive and to then be taken advantage of by adult closeted/downlow child abusers who are sometimes the closest that isolated queer youth can get to community. This is not a linear journey though. Long after being out, he discusses more ways that society attempts to shame Black gay men in particular- even from the nice, well meaning college liberals. 

What begins as a history of both generous family support coupled with awful religious oppression moves forward in a liberation story. His mother is a constant source of support and is able to overcome her own struggles despite being brought up in a strictly Christian household, with her own mother that later asks God to "curse" her for being a Buddhist and letting her son "become" gay. 

Jones also captures what life after violent traumas is like. It's not often that I read someone able to vocalize the loneliness that comes with some of the experiences he shares in such accurate and vivid ways. 

Don't go into this thinking it's a trauma porn fest though. While Jones definitely overcame a great many struggles, the memoir is balanced. It includes enjoyable parts of his life as well as the ones that were devastating. He uses great analogies and poetic humor all throughout the book. I was purposely vague in certain sections because the book is short and I didn't want to end up regurgitating his entire story in my review. I definitely recommend picking this one up, regardless of where you come from.

This was also posted to my goodreads.